Family Matters Part 3
Raising Children of Character
Ephesians 6:1-4
18/09/2011
1) Introduction – Radical Homes
a) Are you a radical person? What does a radical person look like? When I was growing up it was pretty radical to have a tattoo. In my neighbourhood it’s almost more radical to not have one!
b) As we read this letter to the Ephesian Christians, we see that the early Church was extremely radical. There were some ways that it was very much counter-cultural.
c) Often churches in our day are striving for “relevance” in ways that make church community look pretty much like any other part of the culture. We talk about the same things, dress the same ways, watch the same TV shows and conduct our marriages and families in almost identical fashion to the rest of the world.
d) But look at the early church when it lived up to the teaching given to it by the Apostles:
i) Instead of men treating women as beneath them and as their legal property like the rest of society, Christian men were told to respect their wives, be considerate toward them and treat them as equal partners in the gracious gift of life. They were told that their relationship with God was affected by their treatment of their wives.
ii) Instead of women being denied an education and being isolated from society, Christian women were encouraged to learn, participate and grow. They are named often in the New Testament as co-workers of people like the Apostle Paul.
iii) Christian men are told to use their God-given role of authority in marriage not to get their own way like men normally would, rather to lovingly serve their families. Men who demonstrate servant leadership in their families show that they are qualified to be given authority in the church, because they understand that authority is given not for the sake of those who wield it, but for the sake of those they care for by using that authority well.
iv) Christian wives are told to submit to their husband’s authority in a way that demonstrates their submission to God who is the One who established that authority. If you want to see an example of godly empowerment of women, check out Proverbs 31. It demonstrates a particular woman’s ability to manage her home and conduct business affairs; and the confidence and pride her husband has in her. Proverbs 31 is also an example of a godly husband who does not confuse authority with having to be in charge of everything!
e) So the people of God have always been radical as long as they have obeyed God and not conformed to the cultures around them. Western culture has changed a lot since those days, but we are all still prone to use authority for selfish purposes, and we are all still prone to rebel against authority when we find ourselves under it.
f) Perhaps more than ever people need to see examples of Christ-like authority and submission in our homes. People need to see the full character of God which can only be expressed in us when we live the way He has told us to live. We need to live radically.
g) Today we turn our attention from husbands and wives…
2) How can we Raise Children of Character?
a) Is actually the wrong question. This sermon has a bad title!
b) Everyone has character, but the sort of character they have is the real issue.
c) 2 Timothy 3:1-5
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. [1]
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. [1]
i) The people described here all have character: they are characterised by: selfishness, greed, pride, violence, disobedience, lovelessness, lack of forgiveness, lack of faithfulness, lack of gratitude, lack of self-control, lust for instant gratification. Do these characteristics fit with what you are seeing in our society?
ii) But what group of people is Paul describing here?
- people in the “last days”. That term is used to describe the time between Christ’s resurrection and His return. It’s particularly used to describe the period closer to His return, even though we don’t know when that will be. By the Holy Spirit Paul seems to be indicating that these types of characteristics will become more and more evident the closer it gets to the time of Christ’s return.
- religious people - more specifically, people who claim to be Christian. People in churches who are religious but also rebellious.
- they have a form of godliness (religious activity) but they deny its power (inner transformation).
iii) Is it really possible that our churches could contain people like this? Is it really possible that my children are going to be under pressure not only outside the church - from the media, peers, negative role models and so on - but also from inside the church to be ungodly in attitude and behaviour?
iv) What am I as a parent to do about this? That brings us to the real question:
3) The real question: “How can we raise children of Christ-like character?”
a) Know The Real Goal: Life-changing faith in Christ (Eph 6:4)
i) We’re not just trying to raise well-behaved kids
ii) We’re not just trying to raise kids who will be successful according to this world’s measurement
iii) We’re trying to raise kids who know Jesus, have eternal life in Him and whose lives glorify Him.
- Ephesians 6:1-3
- We want to raise children who resist the inner temptation of rebellion, who resist conforming to a rebellious culture, but who obey their parents in the Lord.
- Why? Not for any selfish gain, but because it is right to do so.
Many parents use their children’s selfishness to motivate them to obedience. They resort to bribery. Children are to obey their parents not because they will be rewarded and not because they risk being punished, but because it is right in the Lord to do so.
Many parents use their children’s selfishness to motivate them to obedience. They resort to bribery. Children are to obey their parents not because they will be rewarded and not because they risk being punished, but because it is right in the Lord to do so.
- You might ask: “What do you mean no selfish gain, what about this promise of enjoying long life?”
- Remember this rule – you can’t understand a text if you don’t understand it’s context!
- This command & promise was first given not to an individual but to a nation. It’s a general promise, which means that it is something that is given for the whole but not necessarily for every part that makes up that whole – let me explain…
- A rebellious, disobedient son in that society was put to death by the leaders of the community.
- Additionally, part of honouring your parents meant to look after them in their old age – to care for their needs.
- Add to that God’s promises of rewarding their national obedience with His sovereign protection and provision.
- Understanding all these things, you can see why God would say to the nation of Israel before they entered the Promised Land “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Deut 5:16).
- Having children who honoured their parents in obedience to God meant longer and happier lives for the people.
- This is in no way saying that if you honour your parents then you won’t die in war or suffer some other fate that takes lives early. It’s a promise to a nation of what their collective experience would be like, not a promise to individuals about what their personal experiences would be.
- Paul quotes this command and promise not to bribe children into obeying their parents so they can live longer, but to point out that what applied to Israel now applies to the Church. What applied in the Promised Land now applies to the Earth. Honouring God and parents will still generally lead to a long and satisfying life. It’s still not a personal promise but a general one, but it is something that we ought to be aware of.
b) Know The Real Problem: Sin
i) Your kids are not naturally inclined to righteousness, they are inclined toward rebellion!
ii) Your child needs to change! Sin needs to be addressed or it will destroy your child’s life.
c) Know The Real Solution: The Gospel
i) Sin is not overcome by trying harder to be good. It is overcome by God’s grace in Jesus.
ii) Your child needs the gospel. The “training and instruction of the Lord” is not a list of do’s and don’t’s. It’s the truth about what God has done for us in Christ and how we should live as a result.
Your child needs to learn about repentance. They need to learn about forgiveness. They need to learn about reconciliation. They need to learn about obedience. These are all gospel truths that they learn in the home. If they don’t learn about these things in their family they will have a hard time understanding them in church. They will have an even harder time actually living out these principles into adulthood.
Your child needs to learn about repentance. They need to learn about forgiveness. They need to learn about reconciliation. They need to learn about obedience. These are all gospel truths that they learn in the home. If they don’t learn about these things in their family they will have a hard time understanding them in church. They will have an even harder time actually living out these principles into adulthood.
4) Parenting Self-Assessment
a) Here’s a question for you parents – how are you going in bringing your children up in the training and instruction of the Lord?
i) Are you taking the time to teach them the Gospel? Is their instruction in the Lord more important to you than their training in academics or sport?
ii) Are you using the everyday experiences of life to illustrate the Gospel? Are your kids learning to seek out the counsel of God’s Word in the midst of life’s experiences?
iii) Are you praying for their salvation and their sanctification?
b) The danger of exasperation
i) In my experience, kids get most exasperated by…
- Lack of love & attention
(a) Bad attention is better than no attention at all
(b) Keep an eye on their love tanks!
- Lack of clear boundaries
(a) Kids rebel against boundaries, but they crave them as well. Boundaries provide security.
(b) Sometimes kids push harder and harder until they find the line that you will not let them cross. They need to know where that line is so they can play happily in the ‘safe area’.
- Hypocrisy
(a) what you present at church doesn’t match how you live at home.
(b) Where the moral rules you apply to them don’t apply to you (eg: stealing, lying).
5) Conclusion – No Guarantees
a) Almost every night I go in to my kids rooms and pray for them. I’m struck almost every time by my own powerlessness over what will happen in their lives.
b) God is sovereign, we are not.
c) We cannot control how our kids will turn out or what they will face.
d) We can do our part. We can do what God has told us to do in order to raise children of Christ-like character.
e) The rest is between them and God.
f) I find as a parent that recognising this fact helps me to rely on God more and more.
[1]All Scriptures from The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
