Family Matters pt 4 - Effective Workplace & Community Relationships

Family Matters pt 4:
Effective Workplace & Community Relationships - Audio

How we conduct ourselves in the workplace – whether employer or employee, can be a witness to the world of what sort of servant Jesus was, or what sort of Lord He is. Dedicated, humble, generous & committed to the highest “boss”. Likewise, our service to others in the community models Jesus to those around us. Working well with others opens the door for God to speak, through us, into their lives.

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Family Matters pt 3 - Raising Children of Character

Family Matters pt 3 - Raising Children of Character (Audio)

Family Matters Part 3

Raising Children of Character

Ephesians 6:1-4

18/09/2011

1)     Introduction – Radical Homes

a)     Are you a radical person?  What does a radical person look like?  When I was growing up it was pretty radical to have a tattoo.  In my neighbourhood it’s almost more radical to not have one!

b)     As we read this letter to the Ephesian Christians, we see that the early Church was extremely radical.  There were some ways that it was very much counter-cultural.

c)      Often churches in our day are striving for “relevance” in ways that make church community look pretty much like any other part of the culture.  We talk about the same things, dress the same ways, watch the same TV shows and conduct our marriages and families in almost identical fashion to the rest of the world. 

d)     But look at the early church when it lived up to the teaching given to it by the Apostles:

i)       Instead of men treating women as beneath them and as their legal property like the rest of society, Christian men were told to respect their wives, be considerate toward them and treat them as equal partners in the gracious gift of life.  They were told that their relationship with God was affected by their treatment of their wives.

ii)     Instead of women being denied an education and being isolated from society, Christian women were encouraged to learn, participate and grow.  They are named often in the New Testament as co-workers of people like the Apostle Paul.

iii)   Christian men are told to use their God-given role of authority in marriage not to get their own way like men normally would, rather to lovingly serve their families.  Men who demonstrate servant leadership in their families show that they are qualified to be given authority in the church, because they understand that authority is given not for the sake of those who wield it, but for the sake of those they care for by using that authority well.

iv)   Christian wives are told to submit to their husband’s authority in a way that demonstrates their submission to God who is the One who established that authority.  If you want to see an example of godly empowerment of women, check out Proverbs 31.  It demonstrates a particular woman’s ability to manage her home and conduct business affairs; and the confidence and pride her husband has in her.  Proverbs 31 is also an example of a godly husband who does not confuse authority with having to be in charge of everything!

e)     So the people of God have always been radical as long as they have obeyed God and not conformed to the cultures around them.  Western culture has changed a lot since those days, but we are all still prone to use authority for selfish purposes, and we are all still prone to rebel against authority when we find ourselves under it.

f)       Perhaps more than ever people need to see examples of Christ-like authority and submission in our homes.  People need to see the full character of God which can only be expressed in us when we live the way He has told us to live.  We need to live radically.

g)     Today we turn our attention from husbands and wives…

2)     How can we Raise Children of Character?

a)     Is actually the wrong question.  This sermon has a bad title!

b)     Everyone has character, but the sort of character they have is the real issue.

c)      2 Timothy 3:1-5
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ² People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³ without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴ treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— ⁵ having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. ^[1]

i)       The people described here all have character: they are characterised by: selfishness, greed, pride, violence, disobedience, lovelessness, lack of forgiveness, lack of faithfulness, lack of gratitude, lack of self-control, lust for instant gratification.  Do these characteristics fit with what you are seeing in our society?

ii)     But what group of people is Paul describing here?

-          people in the “last days”.  That term is used to describe the time between Christ’s resurrection and His return.  It’s particularly used to describe the period closer to His return, even though we don’t know when that will be.  By the Holy Spirit Paul seems to be indicating that these types of characteristics will become more and more evident the closer it gets to the time of Christ’s return.

-          religious people - more specifically, people who claim to be Christian.  People in churches who are religious but also rebellious.

-          they have a form of godliness (religious activity) but they deny its power (inner transformation).

iii)   Is it really possible that our churches could contain people like this?  Is it really possible that my children are going to be under pressure not only outside the church - from the media, peers, negative role models and so on - but also from inside the church to be ungodly in attitude and behaviour?

iv)   What am I as a parent to do about this?  That brings us to the real question:

3)     The real question: “How can we raise children of Christ-like character?”

a)     Know The Real Goal: Life-changing faith in Christ (Eph 6:4)

i)       We’re not just trying to raise well-behaved kids

ii)     We’re not just trying to raise kids who will be successful according to this world’s measurement

iii)   We’re trying to raise kids who know Jesus, have eternal life in Him and whose lives glorify Him.

-          Ephesians 6:1-3

-          We want to raise children who resist the inner temptation of rebellion, who resist conforming to a rebellious culture, but who obey their parents in the Lord.

-          Why?  Not for any selfish gain, but because it is right to do so.
Many parents use their children’s selfishness to motivate them to obedience.  They resort to bribery.  Children are to obey their parents not because they will be rewarded and not because they risk being punished, but because it is right in the Lord to do so.

-          You might ask: “What do you mean no selfish gain, what about this promise of enjoying long life?”

-          Remember this rule – you can’t understand a text if you don’t understand it’s context!

-          This command & promise was first given not to an individual but to a nation.  It’s a general promise, which means that it is something that is given for the whole but not necessarily for every part that makes up that whole – let me explain…

-          A rebellious, disobedient son in that society was put to death by the leaders of the community.

-          Additionally, part of honouring your parents meant to look after them in their old age – to care for their needs.

-          Add to that God’s promises of rewarding their national obedience with His sovereign protection and provision.

-          Understanding all these things, you can see why God would say to the nation of Israel before they entered the Promised Land “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Deut 5:16).

-          Having children who honoured their parents in obedience to God meant longer and happier lives for the people.

-          This is in no way saying that if you honour your parents then you won’t die in war or suffer some other fate that takes lives early.  It’s a promise to a nation of what their collective experience would be like, not a promise to individuals about what their personal experiences would be. 

-          Paul quotes this command and promise not to bribe children into obeying their parents so they can live longer, but to point out that what applied to Israel now applies to the Church.  What applied in the Promised Land now applies to the Earth.  Honouring God and parents will still generally lead to a long and satisfying life.  It’s still not a personal promise but a general one, but it is something that we ought to be aware of. 

b)     Know The Real Problem: Sin

i)       Your kids are not naturally inclined to righteousness, they are inclined toward rebellion!

ii)     Your child needs to change!  Sin needs to be addressed or it will destroy your child’s life.

c)      Know The Real Solution: The Gospel

i)       Sin is not overcome by trying harder to be good.  It is overcome by God’s grace in Jesus.

ii)     Your child needs the gospel.  The “training and instruction of the Lord” is not a list of do’s and don’t’s.  It’s the truth about what God has done for us in Christ and how we should live as a result.

Your child needs to learn about repentance.  They need to learn about forgiveness.  They need to learn about reconciliation.  They need to learn about obedience.  These are all gospel truths that they learn in the home.  If they don’t learn about these things in their family they will have a hard time understanding them in church.  They will have an even harder time actually living out these principles into adulthood.

4)     Parenting Self-Assessment

a)     Here’s a question for you parents – how are you going in bringing your children up in the training and instruction of the Lord?

i)       Are you taking the time to teach them the Gospel?  Is their instruction in the Lord more important to you than their training in academics or sport?

ii)     Are you using the everyday experiences of life to illustrate the Gospel?  Are your kids learning to seek out the counsel of God’s Word in the midst of life’s experiences?

iii)   Are you praying for their salvation and their sanctification?

b)     The danger of exasperation

i)       In my experience, kids get most exasperated by…

-          Lack of love & attention

(a)   Bad attention is better than no attention at all

(b)   Keep an eye on their love tanks!

-          Lack of clear boundaries

(a)   Kids rebel against boundaries, but they crave them as well.  Boundaries provide security.

(b)   Sometimes kids push harder and harder until they find the line that you will not let them cross.  They need to know where that line is so they can play happily in the ‘safe area’.

-          Hypocrisy

(a)   what you present at church doesn’t match how you live at home.

(b)   Where the moral rules you apply to them don’t apply to you (eg: stealing, lying).

5)     Conclusion – No Guarantees

a)     Almost every night I go in to my kids rooms and pray for them.  I’m struck almost every time by my own powerlessness over what will happen in their lives.

b)     God is sovereign, we are not.

c)      We cannot control how our kids will turn out or what they will face. 

d)     We can do our part.  We can do what God has told us to do in order to raise children of Christ-like character.

e)     The rest is between them and God.

f)       I find as a parent that recognising this fact helps me to rely on God more and more.

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^[1]All Scriptures from The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Family Matters pt 2 - Keys to a Great Marriage

Family Matters Part 2: Keys to a Great Marriage - Audio

Family Matters Part 2

Keys to a Great Marriage

Ephesians 5:22-33

11/09/2011

Introduction

1)     What does a great marriage look like to you?

a)     for some people, this is a painful topic and it will be tempting to protect your heart by tuning out early…

b)     a few people may feel that their marriage is pretty good and may not feel they have much to learn today.  These are the kind of people who hope that others are listening!

c)     whatever condition your heart is in, I want to pray for us all right now.

OPENING PRAYER

Lord, you know where each of us is at right now.  You know our needs.  You know our understandings.  You know our attitudes.  You know our feelings.  You know what is going on in our lives and in our homes.  You know how you want to grow us through the cleansing and feeding of your word.  We invite you to do your work in us now.

2)     Do you know any perfect marriages?  The Bible describes only 1!

a)     It’s not Adam and Eve – they were innocent but not perfect

1)     The first marriage – pure & wonderful

2)     While they did not have the understanding to consciously choose sin, both Adam and Eve failed each other and disobeyed God in the story of Genesis 3.

3)     So if Adam & Eve could not maintain a perfect marriage even before their natures were corrupted by sin, what hope is there for us?

4)     Actually there is great hope, because of the gospel.

b)     The only perfect marriage that will ever exist is the marriage between Christ and His Church (after its glorification)

1)     The last marriage (Matt 22:30)

2)     It is eternal.

3)     It is cleansed completely from sin (Eph 5:25-27)

4)     It teaches us about how to strive for perfection in marriage so that while not being perfect, they can be great.

3)     The question we are looking at today is: how do we move our marriages toward being great?  How do we protect our marriages from the ravages of sinful attitudes and behaviours that destroy relationships?

What does Ephesians 5:22-33 teach us about how to have a great marriage?

1)     Lessons from the Context:

a)     Paul doesn’t begin his letter by talking about marriage!
If we just dive in to the letter half-way through to try and pick out some marriage principles, we’re going to miss out on all the necessary background information.  We’re not going to properly understand what he’s saying.

b)     The letter begins with what God has done for us.

1)     Ephesians 1 - 2:10: What God has done through Jesus to reconcile us to Himself

-          Key verses: Eph 2:8-10

2)     Ephesians 2:11-22: What God has done through Jesus to reconcile us to each other

-          Key verse: Eph 2:14

3)     Ephesians 3: Paul’s ministry as an Apostle in sharing the good news & his prayer that the Ephesians will really ‘get it’.

-          Key verses: Eph 3:14-21

c)      Then he starts describing how we should live in response:

Ephesians ch’s 4-6: In view of who God is and what He has done for you, this is how you should live.

-          Key Verses: Eph 4:22-24; Eph 5:1-2

Why is it important to go over the context?

d)     The Big Idea: A Great Marriage is One that Expresses the Gospel Message.

As the Holy Spirit has inspired him, Paul has explained the gospel and now he is demonstrating how the gospel changes everything.  It even changes our marriages!

Just as the gospel shows how we are saved from sin as individuals and made new in Christ, it also shows us how our marriages are redeemed in Christ and made new.

e)     Key #1: I Need to Change to become like Jesus

-          I am full of selfish desires

-          I have foolish ideas about how things should work.

-          I bear resentments

-          I am afraid of being hurt

-          I have strongly ingrained bad habits

-          I tend to blame others

A great marriage for me is only possible if I change. 

Often people get very hostile when you suggest they need to change.  They don’t think it’s fair - it’s as if you’re putting the blame on them for the fact that things aren’t as they should be. 

That’s why starting at Ephesians 1 is important - it reminds us that we are all sinful, God has graciously saved us and now we must learn day by day to live out that salvation.  None of us are there yet.

For the Christian, the reason you need to change is not just so that your marriage will work better.  You need to change so that your life glorifies God.  You need to change so that others have the chance to see the truth of the gospel and be saved.  You need to change so that you can be sure of your own salvation (see 2 Cor. 13:5&6  &1 John 1 - 4 for examples).

Regardless of what the dynamics of your relationships are, there is never a completely innocent party.  We are all sinful.  You need to change in ways that only God can produce in you.

Well, how is it that we need to change?  How does Paul instruct husbands and wives specifically in this passage?  How is a husband or a wife to become more like Christ?

2)     Submit to one another…

a)     Ephesians 5:22 - “Wives, to your husbands as to the Lord”

The problem with starting in verse 22 is that it in the original letter that Paul wrote, it doesn’t actually tell you anything.  Most modern bibles add in the words “submit” or “be subject to” to help the verse make sense when read on it’s own, but that can actually make us forget what’s just been said in verse 21.

 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives,  to your own husbands as to the Lord.”

b)     Key #2: Submission is for Everyone

1)     Submission – hupotasso
Military Term – to be ordered under the authority of another.  To be subject to another.

Authority says nothing about worth.  It says nothing about ability.

The captain of a sporting team is often not the best player on the team.  They are certainly not the only valuable person on the team.  Often their best contribution is in how well they use their authority.  If they use it selfishly or foolishly, the whole team suffers.  If they use it wisely for the benefit and success of the team, the whole team prospers.

2)     How is it possible that everyone submits?  Surely some are in charge and the others all submit?

3)     Marty Foord yesterday at the Perth Men’s Convention (excellent by the way!)

-          Policeman & Judge
On the road, a judge must submit to a policeman.
In the courtroom a policeman must submit to a judge.
Both of them derive their authority from the law.

-          In a similar way, in different situations we can be either in a position of having authority or being under authority.  We need to remember that our true authority does not come from ourselves but from God and His revealed will.

4)     As Paul describes how we can “be imitators of God”, he says that one way we do that is by choosing to submit ourselves to authority.  God Himself does that!

5)     Philippians 2:5-8 – Jesus became obedient unto death.
The words of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane: “Yet not my will…”

6)     Choosing to submit ourselves to authority is a basic biblical requirement of all believers.  It’s an essential way that we show people what God is like.  It’s an essential way that we learn to stop striving ourselves and start trusting God.  It’s an essential way that we demonstrate God’s cleansing of our natural rebelliousness and pride.

7)     Remember that Jesus is the complete revelation of who the Father is as well, so the attitude of submission is something that exists in God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  He wants it to exist in us as well.  All of us.  Submission is for everyone.

8)     Now Paul turns his attention to the husband and wife relationship.

3)     Key #3: Marriage can only express the gospel when wives submit to their husbands.

a)     Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives [submit] to your own husbands (not to all men, to your own husbands) as to the Lord.

b)     The Historical Context:

Women were second-class citizens.  Property.  Without rights.  Men had all the authority, all the power.  They were free to neglect, to abuse, to disrespect.

Jewish men thanked God that they were not created female.

In Greek society wives were generally considered useful to provide men with legitimate offspring and to manage their households.  Men were encouraged to go elsewhere for conversation, companionship and sexual pleasure.

Women were completely under the thumb – they had no option but to submit.  Some people believe that with this in mind, wives are being instructed here not to submit – that was a given – they are being told to submit as to the Lord.  It’s the attitude or manner of their submission that is being taught here.

That’s actually not the case.

Let me illustrate that by referring to a popular saying from around that time.

In the writings of Greek schoolchildren was found a common phrase:

“A man who teaches a woman to write should know that he is providing poison to an asp.”

Wives in Ephesus were not allowed an education.  They were not permitted in public forums and certainly not permitted to speak in public.  In fact the only women allowed at such gatherings were the very high class prostitutes known as “Hetaera”.  These were companions only afforded by the very wealthy, who were often educated in order to make them more stimulating company.

However women were permitted in the Church.  They were encouraged to participate.  Not only that, husbands, instead of being encouraged to shun their wives, were expected to help their wives learn the truths of the faith.

So the Church did not conform to culture, it was shaped by the teachings and life of Christ witnessed by and entrusted to the Apostles.

Wives were expected to submit to their husbands not because of culture, but because of God’s divine plan for marriage as a picture of the gospel.

How do we know?

c)       Ephesians 5:23-24

1)     It’s pretty obvious here.  The husband-wife relationship is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church. 

2)     In their submission to their husbands, wives teach their husbands how to submit to Christ!  In their submission to their husbands, wives teach their children how to submit to Christ.

How can we expect our kids to learn submission if they don’t see it from us?  Yes, they will see us submit to other rulers and authorities, but in the home they get to see it up close and personal.  They get to hear it explained and see it demonstrated.

One of the things that exasperates children is that they are expected to adhere to rules that their parents do not.  The best way to raise obedient children is to show them what obedience looks like.

3)     How many of you are really squirming as I say that?  The idea that a wife should obey a husband – that’s not in the vows anymore!!  You’re wondering if I’m a traditionalist, chauvinistic pig!

If you watch any sitcom or TV ad you will find that men are all idiots who need to be told what to do either by their wives or their children.  What I’ve just said is the complete opposite of that.  It’s offensive to our culture!

Here’s the thing – just as the general culture of the people in Ephesus would have been outraged that these Christians honoured and included wives, our culture is outraged that wives should be considered to be under authority of a husband.

Just as the Ephesian Christians needed to be brave enough to challenge their own cultural values, we need to be brave enough to challenge ours to bring them into line with the word of God.

The stakes are high. 

But it’s not just on the issue of submission that we need to be challenged.  It’s also on the issue of headship – the right use of authority.

4)     Key #4: Marriage can only express the gospel when husbands love their wives.

a)     Ephesians 5:25-31

b)     The Historical Context:

The idea that a man would cherish his wife the way Christ cherishes the Church was unheard of.

The idea that a man would sacrifice himself for the sake of His wife was unthinkable.

They needed to learn that a wife is not the possession of a husband - a wife is part of her husband.  A wife completes her husband.  She brings to him what he cannot do and what he cannot be by himself.  We are different by God’s design.

Some men and some women have been specifically designed by God to be complete in their singleness in order to do the good works He planned in advance for them to do. 

For most of us, God’s plan is that we are joined as one man with one woman in order to become one flesh together.

So how you treat your wife is how you treat yourself.

Think about that!

Imagine that you are about to start hammering a nail into a piece of wood.  How many of you would look the other way or read a book while doing that?  Not many!  Why?  Because you don’t want to smash your thumb!

In the same way, in what you do with your wife you need to pay attention and give thought as to how you are protecting her from harm, right?  Don’t be distracted or inattentive – pay attention!

Now imagine that you have a pain somewhere in your body – what do you do?  Do you beat up on it and tell it to get it’s act together?  Do you just ignore it?

Of course not, you do whatever you need to help it get better.

If your wife is registering pain – if there’s hostility, emotional distance, lack of respect toward you, if she’s easily upset or whatever – what should you do?

I’ve seen a lot of guys get frustrated, react in anger, detach themselves emotionally, lecture – none of that fits with what the Bible teaches here.  None of it fits with the example of Jesus.

How many of you would willingly starve your own body?  I wouldn’t!  Yet how many of us starve our wives for attention, for affection, for affirmation and all the other things that she ought to receive from us?

There’s a challenge here men.

Don’t use your authority to get your own way.  Love your wives as you love yourself.  Let Christ be your example.

c)      The Gospel

Husbands, you teach your wives about the love of Christ in the way that you love them.  You teach your kids about the love of Christ in the way you love their Mum as well as in the way you love them.  You teach those who observe your marriage about the love of Christ.

You could use your physical power to frighten and abuse.  You could use it simply to show who’s number 1 in your house – to keep your ego propped up.

But as you use your strength and your authority to serve in love, not because you have to but because you choose to, that’s showing something of the gospel.

Christ used his divine authority, purity and power to wash us from sin and present us as a perfect bride.  You cannot save your wives or children, only Christ can.  But you can be a picture of what He is like.

d)     The Washing of the Word

I want you to notice something in verse 26 as God speaks to husbands about their role.  It says that Jesus purified His bride through “the washing with water through the word.”

I was curious about why it didn’t talk about His sacrificial death, His shed blood which cleanses us from sin.  Why the washing with water through the word.

Washing with water was part of ritual purification ceremonies – including in how a bride was prepared for her wedding day.

People were familiar with the idea of needing to be cleansed, and washing with water symbolised that spiritually as well as achieving it physically.

But Jesus cleanses us by washing through “the word”.  That is, it is through the gospel of salvation that we hear, believe and are saved.

I believe that God is giving a challenge here to husbands and fathers to in the same way cleanse their families by leading them in the study of God’s Word.

Only God can produce salvation in a person, but are we playing our part by making sure they hear the word?

Men, are you showing your family that you love the word?  Are you teaching them the word?  Are you modelling obedience to the word?  Are you defending the gospel from the attacks of our culture which really come from the deceiver Satan?

If it’s how Christ purifies His church, shouldn’t it be how you purify your family?  Don’t leave it to someone else, you’ve been given a job to do.

5)     Conclusion

a)     We’ve covered some vital principles about marriage today, which are really just the starting point of a much longer journey.  You will never come to the end of finding ways for your marriage to express the gospel.  You will never come to the end of finding ways that you can show the character of God in how you play your role as husband, wife or child.

We’ve covered off just the two mentioned specifically here, which are summed up in our final verse:

Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I hope our study today has helped you to understand these principles and that with God’s help you will allow them to transform your marriage to make it great.  These principles seem foolish and offensive to our way of thinking, just like the message of the gospel is foolishness to those who are perishing, yet to those who are being saved it is the power of God (1 Cor. 1:18).  Let your marriage be an expression of the gospel.

b)     There are many more specific biblical principles which you may need to hear about in order to address some of the things that you are facing in your marriage right now.

If there are issues that you are wrestling with can I encourage you to make sure you let me know so that we can pray and study God’s word together?  Please don’t give up on God’s good plan for your marriage.  He wants to use it for His Glory and your good.

If you’re struggling with anything I’ve said today make sure you test it against God’s Word.  I’ll be happy to follow through with you to explore it further.